Somewhere deep down, I knew it wasn’t the end of the world. So what if I wasn’t prepared for the law entrances, I was ready for my board exams, and I knew it would make all the difference. I worked hard for my board exams, and the fruit it reaped was worth everything I put in! I ended up with a 91.5% and a centum in Psychology. My dad had tears in his eyes, and mom couldn’t stop gushing about this to everyone. I could see my hard work pay off, and that was the happiest feeling. Despite this, I heard people say 91.5% in Arts wasn’t a big deal. SO ANNOYING!!
But yeah, the best part about scoring this percentage in my board exams was that I could quickly get a seat through merits in some of the best law colleges of the country. At least that’s what I thought!
But destiny had different plans for me, yet again. Even after the score, I waited till the 8th and 4th merit lists of a few good law colleges in the country. A college in Mumbai had their cut off at 89%, and I could’ve easily got in. The problem was that the admission form that I had couriered didn’t reach them, and my enrollment was disqualified. A few other colleges came close to 92%, 93% here and there, but none came close to 91.5%. A good number of law schools in Bangalore itself could have accepted me with these marks, but I was adamant about getting out of the city. I wanted to experience living alone in a different part of the country.
Hyperventilation was at its peak because the blueprint of my life said I would get a good college, but I hadn’t gotten into any! Three months had passed, and I was college-less while all my friends started their next phase of life in their respective universities.
I was struggling between merits and the fact that I belonged to a general class. Had I been an SC/ST (no offense to anyone), I know I would’ve been a part of one of the best law colleges in the country in the first merit list itself, considering how the percentage bar for them was at a meager 45%. Having scored 91.5%, I felt like a loser at the end of three months.
What happened to CLAT/AILET/SET? Oh, I was underprepared for these. I did give these exams, but the scores were pathetic, and it was no surprise to me. I didn’t expect anything from these marks anyway.
So there I was… 4 months had passed, and I had no college to go to. All my plans of getting into a law school were becoming opaque with every passing second. I got a call from a couple of ‘good’ colleges, but it wasn’t because of my merits, I was offered a ‘management seat.’ I refused because I didn’t want my father to pay double the fees for a seat I knew I deserved anyway!
We’ve witnessed a lot of debates about the reservation and why it should be abolished. I am not against reservation, but when I get deprived of my chance even when I know I deserved every bit of it, some amount of loathing does come for those who get the benefits of reservation. All this discouraged me to a level that I decided to take a gap year and prepare for CLAT very seriously. No one wants to be left behind, and everyone wants the best for oneself, so there I was too.
Cursing the existence of reservation and the ‘general’ class that I belonged to, I was ready to not look for any further colleges because none of them were any good. The more you yearn for something, the less you get it, and I was living proof of this. I also blame myself for not having done enough research about colleges, but I was done!
I concluded that what is not meant to be just isn’t meant to be.
The minute I decided I wouldn’t look for any more colleges, I got a call from a private college at Delhi NCR. I was baffled to see myself study at a private college located far from Delhi. I wasn’t ready to be a part of this particular private college. The reviews of it, the location it was at, the crowd that I had known which resided there, wasn’t something I wanted to be a part of, even in my wildest dreams.
I was too late to apply at other private colleges in Bangalore because that city was any way my last option, and I was late to apply at other colleges all over India. Somewhere I knew I was too late even to take a gap year and prepare for CLAT because that wasn’t also the Plan Z in my apparent blueprint. I couldn’t take a gap year just based on this uncertainty of getting into the right college through CLAT.
I was given the last option by my parents to decide. It was a do or die situation for me! To choose the gap year and the uncertainty that came along with it, or to take up whatever came my way right away and accept the reality that I wasn’t going to be a part of any of the great law colleges of our country. I could get myself on track by acing CLAT in the gap year, but was I brave enough to take this risk? I think not.
The thought of whether my parents would accept me if I did not clear CLAT in my second attempt struck my mind time and again. I was not courageous enough to be a part of the same drill and the competition next year. With all these thoughts, I decided to simply not take the high road and risk all that I had. I chose the time, and since time waits for none, I thought of not waiting anymore.
I gathered my scattered mind, picked up my phone, and dialed the number of the admission faculty of the private college who called me up a couple of days back.
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