With a heavy heart and a very faint voice, I called up the admission faculty of that private college and booked a slot for the admission interview. A week later, I attended my interview, and I passed it for whatsoever reasons. I was told to complete the formalities and confirm my seat. Contentment was NIL even after getting a seat in a law school. I did not want to bother my parents anymore. Hence as a compromise, I decided to make the best out of the situation.
My boards had gotten over in March, and I finally ended up with a seat in the law school in July. The months between March and July were as stressful as ever because I was lost. I didn’t dare to tell the world that I was now a part of a private institution that wasn’t known at all.
In the time when all my friends had good universities to study at, in India and in Abroad, I was ashamed of letting the truth out. When they asked me where I had gotten into, I simply said that it was a law college in Delhi and left the rest to their assumption.
I thought my struggle to embark upon the journey of becoming a lawyer had come to an end, but the battles don’t leave you this soon. Having almost everyone I know studying in ‘branded’ universities and colleges, yet another scramble of fighting against the ‘brand’ unfolded, and this seemed incessant.
Choosing this private institution wasn’t perhaps the best decision of mine, but these four-five months were a reality check for me. The very first thing is that marks don’t matter as much. In class X, we are expected to get good marks, and that seems enough. After class X, we are supposed to perform better in class XII. When you’re there, that’s just not it! It’s just the volcano that is about to erupt.
With its eruption, it starts the want of getting into a good college, and by ‘good’, they mean in terms of brand and its popularity leading to good placements! I was stuck right here, where my college wasn’t as good as other colleges, and I was looked down upon by the people.
‘Sharma Ji ka beta’ broke into all the household conversations, and why wouldn’t he? ‘Sharma Ji ka beta’ was the only one in the world who wasn’t a loser. Not all of us were him or could be him. Between ‘Sharma Ji ka beta’ and the ‘brand,’ was this inconspicuous, adamant yet bewildered girl who set on her journey of five years of law school.
Everyone has memories about their first day of college, and I was no exception to it. I still have the first day memories as fresh as a Sunday morning. I remember walking towards the college gate with nervousness, but I knew I wasn’t alone in this because my new friends from hostel were in the same boat as mine.
From an introvert that I was, making friends in the class seemed like a task on its own. I somehow managed to get a sit on the front bench, and four other girls joined me. A professor entered the class and commenced the introduction session for us.
Everyone started introducing themselves, and it was my turn. First impression is always the last impression, and I did not want to put that at stake here! I introduced myself in the best way possible, using properly structured sentences.
I felt content after a long time, and I managed to make a decent amount of friends on the first day of law school itself. Having being schooled and brought up in more of an English environment, I was accustomed to speaking in English, and this did not go well here!
Being told to talk in Hindi by a few students in college and being called names because I spoke English raised the rage in me. With law school not standing up to my expectations, I scuffled! A new scuffle to adjust here.
The subjects were easy in the first year, but then, I wasn’t scoring well because of the marking scheme. I made great friends, and I had a vast circle, which made classes fun, but it got academically challenging for me. I used to study every day after classes back at the hostel. I prepared detailed notes and never really resorted to last-minute studying. I knew I was prepared for my exams but the first two semester exam results were far away from satisfactory. I felt demotivated because I knew I wasn’t a dumbhead to have scored an average of 50% right in the starting. Scoring low is not bad, but then here, we have the society sitting on top of every kid’s head with the same rant.
I felt like I was trapped since the majority of my batchmates had a back up of their background. They could fall back on their parents practicing law, or someone in the legal fraternity had their backs. The first generation lawyer that I was about to become after some time hit me hard because WHAT IF I couldn’t make it? Who would I fall back on? With just an average of 53% in my first year, I panicked. With the panic and tension about landing in this trap, I called up my dad.
The thought of studying so much for these minimal marks was far beyond expectations from my blueprint. The add on was the crowd which made it very unwelcoming for me because they mocked me for speaking in English. My dad just told me to do whatever I felt was right. I knew he was disappointed, but I wanted to be sure of what I was doing, now at least.
I started preparing for CLAT, but I felt like I was losing interest in the brand game. I didn’t care about my college, not known anymore. I didn’t care about qualifying CLAT. I didn’t care about anything anymore, then what was I doing?
I knew a few batch mates of mine who were already preparing for CLAT or were ready to leave the college and pursue other courses. I brainstormed and decided to take up Journalism.
I was happy that my law school journey was coming to an end. Escaping from situations was in my forte, and it seemed like I was acing that game. I was not too fond of Maths; hence I found an escape from it. The law Coaching was stressing me out, so I stopped going there. Hence escaping from my life-long dream of becoming a lawyer seemed feasible because why not? I couldn’t adjust.
I was safe, and my life was risk-free again with no tough subjects to study and with no demeaning crowd to annoy me. Life became simple after I decided to escape from this trap, or was it easy?
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